Speak your partner’s love language
What is your “love language?”
Has anyone ever asked you about the way that you feel the most connected with your significant other?
It is a crucial aspect of building trust in each other. We might look at our better half and wonder: “Why is it that they never do___________ for me?” If you are practicing solid communication, you can work together to have that need met. Like all communication, it’s easier if we are speaking the same language.
Learning to speak your partner’s love language is like learning to speak your partner’s native language. If my better half is French and I learn to speak it, I will be able to add nuance to my conversation with them that would not necessarily exist before.
What are the Five love languages? (Gary Chapman)
Words of affirmation.
Quality time.
Receiving gifts.
Acts of service.
Physical touch.
It is very useful to understand your better half’s love language. You two might have different ones. It could lead to a disconnect in the relationship even though you are both trying really hard.
Here’s an example: I love you and want to show that to you. I like it when I am bought little gifts (or big ones…who am I to complain about that?). To show you that I love you I will bring you flowers or a coffee at times. I had to go and get it for you. I may have even done the work of making the bouquet for you.
You think it’s a nice gesture, but what you would really like is for me to do the dishes a couple of days a week like you have been asking me to. The gift is nice, but you would have preferred me to save the money.
This is an example of me valuing receiving gifts and you preferring acts of service. We both know that the intent was to be a loving gesture. We both get props for that. In order to increase the intimacy and understanding though, we need to talk to our partner in their language. This strengthens the partnership significantly.
Using our example above, I will demonstrate empathy and love by doing the dishes and helping you with some other projects you are working on. In turn, you might show me by getting me that thing I mentioned a couple of weeks ago. We’re speaking each other’s language now. We are feeling heard, respected, and valued. Our relationship gets stronger.
By knowing your significant other’s language, you can see the value in what they are doing more easily even when they are not speaking yours. I may want that gift, but I now know that by washing my car, you are seeking to say I love you. I can always appreciate loving intent.