Preventing Loneliness
Most people can divide the time they spend by themselves in two ways: being alone or being lonely.
Being alone is generally regarded as a good thing. Alone time is especially valuable (as any mom). This is time set aside that can be considered tranquil and rejuvenating. You might engage in a hobby, exercise, or simply just be. To be alone is to have time to reflect and refresh our desire to go back out into the world and engage with society.
On the other hand, being lonely is an indicator of pain. This is a function much in the same way that getting hungry begins to give us physical and emotional cues. When I am hungry, I can feel a dull pain in my stomach. If I remain hungry for long periods, I will start to feel very sharp pain. My mood changes too when I am hungry, I will get irritable and be less likely to engage in anything generous. This can be described as HANGRY to many people.
Looking at loneliness, we receive similar physical and emotional cues that something is missing. Our bodies ache more. We often see a decrease in motivation. More emotions begin to compound the problem as sadness and anxiety creep in. These effects accumulate just like they do with hunger.
Loneliness is insidious. You will become aware of it. But, like all pains, it gets less attention once it becomes familiar. We humans are very adaptable. We can get used to just about anything especially if it moves gradually enough. Think about it: Did you ever have somebody walk into the room and tell you that the TV was really loud. You may not have realized you kept turning up the volume, but (they’re right) it’s blasting out of the speakers. Loneliness can get you the same way!
How do we fight it?
Awareness and backup. Those are the biggest keys. Alone is voluntary, being lonely generally isn’t. Luckily, we can make the choice to reduce its effects. Prevention is the best medicine. If you are seeking ways to keep yourself busy and engaged socially, the likelihood of becoming lonely is reduced. Being aware that you can become lonely and recognizing the pain for what it is are huge steps.
Make sure to go to events you have planned.
Don’t flake out at the last minute.
Reach out to friends regularly.
Help others in order to get those positive feelings.
Seek others who share your interests. They’re out there.
Backup is the other part. Let your friends help you. Don’t ignore their feedback. If they say it’s been forever since they saw you, take that as a message to get together. Phone calls, face time, anything interactive. Social media only helps if you are able to post more intimately than most people are comfortable with. That takes a certain personality.
The wider you cast your net and build your friendships, the more resources you have to access when you need them. More than half of the population experiences the pain of loneliness. Reaching out and finding others means that you’ll probably be helping someone out of the same spot you are. (How cool is that?) Check out this idea for a national day of attention. The idea is that we give each other an hour of time and create community through one to one focus.