Being a Man: The guiding principles of values in attracting romantic partners

Red Green – If you can’t be handsome, be handy.

What does the research say about traits that are important in a man from the standpoint of romantic partners? “Highly desirable traits for women include: respect, honesty, and a being trustworthy. Other traits include being mature, friendly and dependable. Having a friendly disposition, being smart, and having ambition rounded out this list.”

Is physical attractiveness a concern? I’m not gonna lie to you. Physical attractiveness is very important. Potential mates will forgive several other less desirable characteristics if you are attractive. The nice thing is that the standards for what is physically attractive is wildly different. There are things you can do in that regard, but that’s not the purpose of this article.

Understand Yourself:

Let’s get back to becoming the man that attracts the mate that you want. Your knowledge of the type of man you want to be plays a huge role in this. As teenagers, one of our developmental tasks is to try a bunch of different personas in order to find the one that suits us into adulthood. Accomplishing this means exploration, success, and failures. We all have our embarrassing moments where we tried out something that bombed. We grew from those.

Fast forward to you as an adult: Knowing who you are as a man and how that defines you will make you more attractive to the RIGHT person. If you are looking to be liked by everyone, you are doomed to failure. If you are looking to be liked by the right one, you are on the right track.

How do we do that?

Do you know your 5 non-negotiables? What five things about your character are most true to who you are? Defining these traits helps you to set your expectations for what you are looking for in a significant other. If I am a small-town boy, will I be happy with someone who loves the city life the most? Probably not. These are the parts of you that make you happiest and would cause you the most distress to live without. This can be places that you want to live, work that you do, spiritual concerns, matters of family tradition, masculine identity, or anything you see as most important to you.

Flex, don’t fold:

This is not a license to be inflexible. This is a call to be yourself. I may not want go dancing, but if I know it’s important to my significant other, I can cut a rug. Ask me to not live my values though and I will stand firm. A people pleaser who will compromise themselves lacks the consistency to make a good romantic partner. Women instinctively know this My better half knows that I respect her and I respect myself. People who give themselves that regard have an easier time getting it from others.

Live your Values:

Set these values and live them. Your genuine character and authenticity will lead you to a healthy relationship. A partner who respects who you are is only possible if they know who you are. Being up front, honest, and advocating for yourself creates intimacy. This is one of the pillars of a long-term loving relationship.