How much do I tell my therapist up front?
Sometimes therapists forget that not everyone has spent time on the therapy couch. They will go into their office policies and explain how a therapeutic session goes, but they will forget to touch on the heart of therapy, which is the relationship between the therapist and you as a client.
Studies show that the type of therapy you choose to engage in is less important than the quality of the rapport between you and your therapist. This makes it crucial to be in a place that you feel secure.
Guidelines for choosing a therapist:
Do you like them?
Do you trust them?
Can they help you?
Most of the time, you can figure out if you can trust someone relatively quickly. In a new therapeutic session, it can be a little trickier to do so. The therapist will often send you intake paperwork or perform an intake in the first session. I do a combination. I send you a link to access our paperwork. Once it gets filled out, I take some time to go over the information that you provided. This allows me to not go into our first session blind. I have time to formulate questions that are tailored to your situation. When I meet for a first session, I ask those follow ups and have more time available to get to know you as a person.
This can feel like an invasive process. The questions on the intake and in the first session go to places a little deeper than most introductory meetings with people. There needs to be a little bit of faith that the questions have a purpose and that it is in your best interest to be thorough.
If I enter into a session where a client has told me that they have “anxiety”, it can take time away from building the relationship clarifying what that means. If I am able to look at the paperwork and see that “I have severe anxiety about talking to women (or men) because I really want to be in a healthy relationship”, I have a much better idea of your concerns.
That’s not to say that we won’t get there. It simply means that it will take longer. Taking it slow is not a bad thing. Just from a practical standpoint, I am trying to save you money! A therapist is evaluating whether or not they can help you in addition to hearing your story. Sometimes a therapist is not the best fit for you. By painting as complete a picture as possible, you are creating the opportunity for both of you to know that this is the right place for you to get the help you need.
In short, by being as up front as possible you will have a much better therapeutic experience.