Being Too Busy to Get Busy
We’ve all had a slump at one time or another when it comes to the romance and intimacy department. Generally, we will have those lean times when it comes to romance when a big event is coming up or when we just have so much going on that it gets pushed back repeatedly. Think kids, work, or school (or all of the above!)
We forget to prioritize sex in our relationship. Why is this a problem? Sex is the “glue” of a good relationship and functions as a bonding experience for couples. Plus it’s really fun! Couples that have a really healthy sex life report feeling closer to each other emotionally as well as physically. They live longer. They report fewer physical health concerns as well as fewer emotional health concerns.
Yup, you are happier, less anxious and closer to your significant other when you take time for fun times.
Why do we forget to do this?
Why does this happen? People are able to have multiple priorities at the same time because we are able to focus on one and ignore the rest in a given situation.
Think of it like your work/life balance: When you are at work, you can drive towards that goal of promotion or hitting a financial goal and ignore the fact that you have not texted your significant other or friends all day. When you get off work, you can be ready to hit the town and not feel guilty that you’re not laying out your plans for work the next day to make you more efficient. Two entirely opposed goals, but we are able to find time for both in our minds.
People forget to prioritize their love life when making these goals for themselves. We’re under the impression that “it’ll just happen naturally, like it’s supposed to.” Let’s be a bit realistic about the modern world, if things happened naturally, you’d be asleep an hour or so after sunset and up with the dawn. The modern world doesn’t always bend to nature. In fact, it’s generally designed to work around nature.
That means that you have to give the idea of romance and lovemaking weight in your planning, even if it feels a little artificial at first. It may feel a little weird adding “date night” to that shared calendar, but the alternative is a host of problems.
Remember, without it, we tend to have higher blood pressure, increased anxiety and depression, and less of a desire to turn towards our significant other when we’re feeling amorous. That closeness and intimacy combined with the physical benefits are imperative to the long-term investment that is your relationship.
The window for being “safe” from divorce is typically 15 years. That is when statistics finally surpass the dreaded 50% divorce rate that is always thrown around. A lot of those later divorces are related to couples who, after years of handling the “business” parts of the relationship, find out that their romantic relationship has withered.
When kids and jobs have matured, they don’t need as much day-to-day management. That extra time often gives couples the opportunity to look at each other and figure out what else beyond duty is keeping them together. This is why making sex a priority is important. It makes the friendship bond and the romantic bond stronger. So get to it!
How much and how often?
The answer is “yes.”
The amount and frequency vary between couples and even individuals. Concerns regarding this are best worked out early in the relationship and committed to, just like any other facet of the relationship. If a change is needed, couples need to work it out together. Amount and frequency tend to stay pretty constant over a couple’s lifetime (statistically) with people who do it more frequently keeping a higher average even as age and health start their inevitable slow-down.
Couples should work together to find a healthy equilibrium together and work to maintain it. That’s right, sex is something that can require work, just like any part of a relationship.
So… make it a priority!
Don’t get too busy to get busy. Put in the time with your better half to make them (and you) happier and heathier.