When your boss may be a narcissist: 7 Signs and solutions to help you
It’s a major struggle when it comes to dealing with narcissists in the workplace. We generally don’t think of work as being pleasant necessarily. We tolerate it, right? If I am stressed out at work, that’s normal. A lot of people have difficult bosses. A good predator can hide their true intent for a long time. Check out this post we wrote on the traits of predatory personalities.
We will convince ourselves that what we are going through isn’t happening. This bias towards normalcy is a way of protecting ourselves from overreacting and doing something socially damaging that may affect how we interact with people in the future. The problem is, it does not help us to protect ourselves against the actions of a predator.
What do these narcissistic bosses do?
They don’t treat you you’re your rights with respect
They treat you like a prop or a tool to accomplish their own agenda
They downplay your successes and contributions
They funnel all information and communication through themselves (especially to anyone important)
They will cut corners and leave you at risk for ethical issues
They will degrade you and make you think you’re the one at fault
They will try to convince others that you are the self-centered screwup
Anything sound familiar? Remember, one or two traits might just mean your boss is a jerk, not a full-blown narcissist. However, if you are seeing these abusive patterns repeating themselves within the workplace, you’re probably not wrong.
The predatory person amongst you will give you a charming smile even as they tell your coworker that you can’t stand them as you walk away. They will attribute their bad behavior to you or someone else in the office. They will sacrifice anyone around them to get ahead or prevent themselves from taking any fallout from a problem. A narcissist as a fragile ego. If you as a subordinate question them, prepare for an attack. If they have trouble controlling their impulses, you might get yelled at right there. If they have a bit more control, you might notice that your coworkers have pulled back from you because of “a rumor that you were going to be fired.”
If you find yourself in this situation, the best way to defend yourself is to limit or eliminate contact with your narcissistic boss. I know that it may not be in the cards to quit. The reality is that the person will not get better. You will either grow enough in your profession that they are not a factor or one of you is going to need to get out of the office. Keep in mind: they will wage an active campaign to get rid of you if they think you are a threat.
If leaving is not a valid choice, it is important to not be viewed as food by your narcissistic boss. You need support up and down the chain of command. Keep avenues of communication open that do not go through your narcissistic boss. You need to create backups and document the ways you are doing your job right. If you are getting instructions from then via text message: screenshot it and attach it to a nice, timestamped company email and respond. Set clear boundaries when you answer your phone for work. After hours is your time.
It’s difficult to self-promote for some people. I just want to get through the day being quiet and competent. However, the narcissist will be trying to position public perception in their favor. If you have developed a sterling reputation for being competent, intelligent, and someone with integrity, you will have a much easier time defending yourself. You might not even need to.
Last trick: Personal responsibility.
If you are the one who made a mistake. Take ownership of it and work to fix it. Being out front and honest will call into question accusations against you that are false. I have witnessed this approach short-circuit narcissists multiple times.