Tips to Improve Communication in Relationships

To quote one of the great philosophers of our time:

“Stop…collaborate and listen” -Vanilla Ice

Yes, I went there. If you can’t trust Vanilla Ice, who can you trust?

It’s also true.

If we believe that it should always come easily and that being in a long term romantic relationship is always a breeze we are destined to fail. To be in a relationship is work. To succeed in a relationship is hard work.

Communication is one of the basic skills necessary to maintain the health of your relationship and your health as an individual. To develop a strong foundation, you need this skill.

How much communication?

Short answer? It depends. If both of you are talkers, there will be a ton of communication flying back and forth. If you are both a little more quiet, but still able to get your messages across, that’s okay too. The important part is that you both recognize the communication needs of your significant other. If one of you is a talker and the other is more circumspect, you may need to make some adjustments.

You have to talk that other person’s traits into account and not interpret everything through your own lens. 

For Example: If your partner is not talking and the thought that he’s mad at me has creeped in, you need to challenge that. If he is not a talker, he may be unaware that you would like to be talking. Instead of guessing that there is a problem, simply let him know your experience: “Hey, can we talk about our weekend plans? I’m craving some quality one on one time.”

It is on your partner to do his part and actively engage in the conversation at that point.  If he is taking your communication needs into account then he should be able to respond appropriately.

Don’t Ambush.

As Vanilla Ice said: Collaborate. Since you are a team, all members need to be on board for a serious discussion. This can be difficult to keep some topics inside or delayed, but your partner will feel valued if you are able to take their feelings into account for the where and when. A where is this relationship going talk at midnight with no preparation is not going to make everyone feel respected.

Instead, give some lead time to allow your significant other to prepare. Say: “I would like to have a nice talk about our long-term plans together. I want a future with you, let’s plan it. Can we do this sometime in the next week?” This gives you both some time to get organized. You are also very clear. Your better half knows what the goals of the talk are. It eliminates the terrifying guessing that goes with “We need to talk.”

Listen and Acknowledge

When you are utilizing solid communication skills, make sure to acknowledge what the other person says. We can get wrapped up in waiting for our turn to speak so that we are understood. This can make us miss what our partner is saying. A simple trick to minimize this habit without minimizing our partner is to repeat back what we just heard them say. It doesn’t have to be verbatim. Just summarize. If you are incorrect, they will usually correct you without resentment.

Once you have given what they have said your attention, you can proceed with any questions or comments and move the conversation along.

Remembering to focus on our partner when communicating will increase your ability to get your needs met.