Performing your (Psychological) fire drills

In order to be able to handle a crisis well when you are in the middle of it, you have practice beforehand. When we hear it said to us, most of the time we just say “uh huh” and move on with our day. We gloss over it because it is a fundamental. We forget that we are not so far past most fundamentals. We need to revisit them with intention and with an eye towards self-improvement.

Remember when we all had to perform fire drills in school? It was a regular event. In the beginning, we thought that it was exciting and a little daunting. We might have to someday use this knowledge to keep ourselves safe from a raging inferno. I know that I spent time during fire safety lessons picturing what it would be like to have to crawl from a smoke-filled room and that I could avoid it by listening for fire bells and act accordingly.

Let’s think about fire drill procedure: someone sees evidence that something is wrong. There’s smoke. There’s excessive heat. There’s something that’s life-threatening. This person goes and pulls the fire alarm and lets everyone who could be affected know that they need to begin this life-saving process. We hopefully remain calm, and carry out the appropriate procedure, helping others as needed.

A psychological fire drill will fulfil the same role more frequently in our day-to-day life.

The idea is that we have a plan, THAT WE HAVE PRACTICED until it becomes nearly automatic. We have visualized it. We have done a few dry runs. We know it inside and out.

When it comes time to use it, we are already ahead of the game. It is not a surprise. We don’t have to devote time to figuring out a solution while the building (or our personal lives) is on fire. We just begin to perform the necessary steps to get ourselves safe.

 This requires a little insight on our part. We have to know the kind of events that will set us off or take us to a place we would rather not visit. For example, if you have an anger problem and the thing that sets you off the most is another person pointing out your mistake seconds after you did it, you will need to be able to acknowledge it. What is the “normal” result of this? Do you yell? Do you quit talking to that person? This is our fire we want to get away from.

So, here’s our plan outline:

When I feel (an emotion) because of (an event or behavior) I will (appropriate healthy coping skill)____.

It’s not super complex. It does not need to be. Any good fire plan includes fire prevention. If I know that the area has not had rain for weeks, I’m not going to make a camp fire. I plan ahead. If I know that a particular person is going to make me mad, I avoid them. If I cannot, I can at least prepare for the encounter.

Let’s use our plan:

When I feel ­Angry because another person is poking a sore spot I will move to a place where I can cool down or practice deep breathing.

It doesn’t matter which health coping skill you use, as long as it’s healthy. Since you are aware this may happen, you can also prepare others that you spend time with regularly. Think of this as marking down fire exits. If a person you interact with regularly is involved, let them know what they are doing, how it affects you, and how you will likely to react (both the way you want, and the way you have been).

For example: “I am really trying to work on my anger. I feel upset when I make a mistake and I am not given the time to figure out how I made it on my own. It makes it hard to grow. I tend to yell at the person who points this out. What I am going to try to do is take a step back an breathe when this happens. If I feel it very strongly, I may walk away for a few minutes. Can you help me by giving me some time to figure out what I did before you correct me?”

This approach does not blame anyone and helps you to get some support. It will also make them more mindful of behavior you dislike.

We can use this same plan with any reaction. Let’s take depression.

When I feel (an emotion) because of (an event or behavior) I will (appropriate healthy coping skill)____.

When I feel depressed because of my circumstances I will not lay in bed and sleep all day. I will get out and exercise. I will talk to someone about it. I will take my medication.

So, spend some time thinking about ways that you can plan ahead and improve your situation.