Grief and our pets: 4 tips for mourning the loss of a beloved animal companion
How do we grieve the loss of a loved one?
If it is a person, we have the help of a huge variety of traditions that come from out environment. Our family, friends, religion, and culture all offer us a way of saying goodbye and that we will miss that person in a manner that will be understood and condoned by the majority of people that we interact with.
If we were to ask somebody how they processed their loss related to a family member or friend, we would instantly understand where they were coming from and offer them what we could to help them. No one would question you if you needed time away from work or school to work through the grief you are experiencing.
When we are talking about a person, there is a script to follow. We have learned over the years how we should act when we are in mourning and recovery and even how long we should be working through that process. When we consider our pets on the other hand, there is no real way to describe how we are to behave and how we are to be treated. It’s rare to run into someone who describes their pet as “just a dog” or “just a cat”. Emotionally, these are members of the family. In some cases, they are the only family that someone has. Our human friends are great, but they go home at the end of the day. Our beloved pets are part of our lives 24/7. We take care of them and they give us way more in return.
Some people are made to feel ashamed for their love of their pets and the desire to grieve them when they are gone. That is unfair to you and to your pet. It is absolutely okay to want to have that closure and time to heal. It’s healthy for you to give yourself time to work through these very heavy emotions.
Recent studies show that people sometimes have as much trouble grieving the loss of their treasured pets as they would their human family. What this tells us is that the pain you are experiencing is NORMAL and NATURAL. We experience the same symptoms that happen in human bereavement: numbness, sadness, anger, anxiety, difficulty eating and sleeping, avoidance of painful reminders and mistaking sounds and sights for our missing loved one.
Here are some tips to help you work through the grieving process with your pet:
Tip #1: Give yourself permission to grieve.
If you are constantly telling yourself that you are just being silly grieving for your pet, it will cause you more difficulty and stress than necessary.
Tip #2: Recognize that your animal was important to you and that you did care for them a lot.
It can be embarrassing to try to explain to someone the depth of feeling we have towards somebody we care about. We’ll often joke about how much we care about someone, but we become uncomfortable when it comes to genuine emotion. Experiencing the emotion is part of how we get through it.
Tip #3: Say goodbye properly
You know what is right for you and your bet. Grieving the loss of a person involves a ritual to perform and a routine to follow. You can do the same thing for your beloved pet. Give them a memorial service. This lets you share their importance with others that care about you. Consider placing their ashes in an urn or scattering them in a favorite place. This company makes time capsules that you can place in the ground so you have a place to visit.
Tip #4: Take care of yourself
Spend quality time with family and loved ones. Keep a routine. Do one thing a day that brings you joy. Exercise, even if it’s simply walking. Lower your expectations of yourself for a while. Take the time necessary to grieve. Reach out for help if you need it.
Make sure to take care of yourself. Look at our grief and relationship tips so that you can take care of yourself and allow others to do so. If you are near Davie Florida, this animal hospital (Pet Express, they’re amazing) has a community for grieving pet owners.